"People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles.
Dreams are real.
But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes."
"...And they left, slowly, one by one, with reluctance, leaving the safety of the light for the chill certainties of the darkness… It seemed like the night sucked them up, took them into its dark heart.
It seemed like the darkness swallowed them...
Perhaps it did."
- Neil Gaiman, Sandman
|Read the Writing on the Walls ... |
... Immortality lies in the Soul
|The Black Land|
Everyone has them; those moments, those specific, frozen moments.
They are the ones that stay with us and reverberate in our souls, until the piece of them we cannot ignore seeps through the hairline cracks in the masks we wear that keep the word from eroding the fragile core of the heart. They are the ones that burn their impressions into our vision so we see them in lurid detail on the mindscreens of our eyelids when we try to shut the world away. They are the ones that carve their marks so deeply into our pliable psyches that when they do pass they are left an irrevocable part of us. And, when we eventually recognize them for what they were, they have already fused into one of the many defining factors of our self identities and can no longer be excised by even the agonies of desire nor the razor-edged scalpels of our pain.
Everyone has them...
... the scene we weren't meant to play in, the shadow of loss that passed too close, the whisper we can't unhear, the dream that recalled what we hoped to forget, the secret we prayed that no one else could see. They follow along, reflected in our shadows, the windows of the mind that overlook the treacherous landscape of our darker sides, the abyss from where those thoughts we dare not repeat echo behind veiled eyes. They are private and sinister, shackled by conscious, repressed by fear, wielded by vengeance and hidden by the façade of civility that passes itself off as empathy and sanity.
Everyone has them.
Everyone has their frozen moments in time that give them their glimpses, their truest insights,
. . . into the Black Land.
Welcome to the Black Land, the faded, half-seen reflections of imagination,
where logic bows to instinct and nothing is what is seems. -Jet
|Identity, both Fragile and Transient, always in Flux, eternally New|
Sometimes we identify ourselves by what we do,
by the choices we seek,
or by the collection of masks
and the self-actualization we show the world
Bright paper packages,
tied up with strings,
Do you really want to know
my favorite things?
I choose to be myself regardless of the consequences or prices.
I choose to live a life I can live with instead of living a life that
everyone else could approve of but doesn't recognize or allow all the things I enjoy.
I choose not to be afraid. I choose to stand up for myself.
I choose to love what I want to love without guilt or regret.
I choose to define my faith as I believe it should be and to hold on to that regardless whether or not I am understood.
Some of the things I like are very dark and morbid, not because it's trendy or because it's a cool image - just because I actually like them. I don't care whether it's the cool thing to do or not. I can, in the same breath, find beauty in a dark icy night in an isolated cemetery and ooh and ahh over a puppy. Just doesn't bother me.
Sometimes I look at the things that 'bother' or 'upset' people and just can't figure out why, but if I think it will make them that much more comfortable I can agree that it's disturbing. I only wish I knew why...
Wear the mask that grins and lies,
it hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,
This debt we pay to human guile,
with torn and bleeding hearts we smile
Who am I?
How does one answer such a thing?
Let me start with the obvious. Here are the stats:
Height: five foot, four inches
Weight: oh yes, I have plenty, thank you.
Hair: v. short white-blonde hair (bleached from dark red),
Eyes: hazel-brown eyes (they change. really.)
Age: 42, life, the universe and everything.
I'm an artist, a writer, a musician, a gamer.
I'm Sagittarius, lost between the need to travel and the need to create a bohemian environment.
I'm that artsy, creative, make things out of nothing, slightly left of center, black sheep most families have.
I'm off the beaten track, a little outside the box,
third star from the right and straight on till morning.
I wander in the mist of the half-remembered dream,
somewhere between never growing up and lost in a fantasy that nobody else can see.
It's a nice place, they all know me here.
Sometimes, we are defined amidst the similarities
we share with those we care for
and sometimes only in sharp reflection
to those we have left behind or lost
I am looking for someone
who can take as much as I give
And give back as much as I need
You know and they still have the will to live ah no
Cause I am intense, I am in need
I am in pain, I am in love
I live in a lakeside cabin in the woods in Hudson, MA,
with my 15 year old son Damien;
( who loves theater, gaming and larping),
our Halloween ghoul...........one of Fagan's boys in Oliver, school play
and our furry children, Morrigan and Raithe.
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming
in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
This is for my closest friend, Rich, ,
who took part of my soul with him when he died.
In memory for my wife's close friend Andrew.
And, of course, for my beloved Tali.
|Perhaps to some we are known
by the declarations of passions we struggle for
|And to others in quiet faith|
defined by what is held close to the spirit
The scars of the past are slow to disappear
The cries of the dead are always in our ears
Only the very safe
can talk about wrong or right
Of those who are forced to choose
some will choose to fight
The things I believe are worth fighting for,
I am deeply passionate about.
I am concerned about the state of the world, of the country and of society in general, and about the political and social situations in Ireland in particular.
I care about the environment and endangered species.
I care about the failures and problems with health care system.
I care about the declining standards of education.
I care about our national financial nightmare and what the
country will look like under it's next leadership.
Where and when it's possible, I do what I can to help.
I don't think I'm a good person, but I think I'm an ethical person.
And I am proud of the things I fight for.
Follow any of these linked images to learn more:
Proud to be a 1st generation Irish American
Marriage is a human right
not a heterosexual priviledge
So, seize the day! Hold holiday!
Be unwearied, unceasing, alive,
You and your own true love;
Let not your heart be troubled
during your sojourn on earth,
But seize the day as it passes!
My faith is deep and strong and very private to me.
You won't find it in a book, or a church,
in a temple, or a mosque, in a class or school.
You won't find a website about it or a pamphlet in a hotel.
But it is real and living and part of who I am,
and I never apologize for that.
I have a strong love for history - ancient history - especially Egypt and Ireland.
My research on Egypt has been published in the book
EGYPT Land and Lives of the Pharaohs Revealed
My research, my poetry, my writings and my photography
have all been published in various places
but I still have things to say that I haven't said yet
Underneath the gruff, no-nonsense exterior,
I am a dreamer, a romantic, an artist.
I love to watch sunlight filter through autumn leaves.
I love snowstorms and icestorms.
I'm a fall and winter person - born just before the winter solstice.
In truth, I cry at sappy movies, I cheer at action heroes,
I jump out of my seat at suspense and horror,
I love petting puppies
I like to bake pies and cakes and cookies
I crochet and paint and do all kinds of arts and crafts
I get teary-eyed at weddings and sniffy at Christmas carols
The person I really am is often hidden away from the world
not because I am ashamed
but because I have been hurt so many times
and the romantic simply cannot survive being crushed again
There are few people who really know me,
and though I treasure every one of them
sometimes more then even they know
Still I treasure none of them so much as my wife
who is the one person who understood everything
and never judged me for it
And all I wish is that she could come home again.
"Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, and its sound is like razors through flesh. … Human dreams, such fertile ground for the seeds of torment. … Save your tears. I'll reap your sorrow slowly. I have centuries to discover the things that make you whimper.
You think your nighttime world is closed to me?
Your mind is so naked. A book that yearns to be read.
A door that begs to be opened."
- Pinhead, Hellraiser